Waiting for Dad
Touches of pink sunset meet the blue sky, reminding me of a quilt that once belonged to my grandmother. It hangs on a vintage quilt rack in our bedroom, inviting me to play pillow games with Daniel everyday. If he is teething or having a hard day, I ask him if he wants to lay in our bed and he laughs and nods his head as fast as he can.
He beats me to the door and runs straight to the side of the bed on his tippy toes. His legs still aren't long enough to pull himself onto the bed, so I scoop him in my arms and we fall onto the bed together. He crawls to the top, lays his head down and says, "Pi-ow" with a giggle. We lay our heads on the pillows over and over again because it makes he thinks it's a game and everything is when you're just one year old.
He sees the world in a beautiful way! And, oh, how I love his laugh. He rips the curtains back and we find ourselves watching the bees and the butterflies. There's a wildflower garden outside our bedroom window and they explore the garden all day long!
We journey back to the living room because he thinks he hears the front door and Daddy might be home. I know Isaac won't be home for another 15 minutes, but we sit by the windows and wait. It's good to wait like that. It's good to wait with the expectation of knowing that something will happen. My mind flickers to the promises God has left us in the Bible. Jesus is coming back again. One day there will be no tears. All things are possible through Him. He hasn't abandoned us, but called us His children. He doesn't withhold good gifts from His children. He gives good gifts.
My mind flickers to a lot of desires that find their ache in my heart when I least expect it. We are waiting on the promise of another child. I'm waiting on the Lord as I pour out in my business. I'm waiting on the Lord to create products for the shop!! I'm waiting on the Lord as we find a solution for the washer that eats Daniel's socks. I'm waiting on the Lord because He is faithful. Those aren't mere words. When he promises something - it's going to happen.
I look at my son standing on the couch and wonder how I could have ever wondered if I was really hearing the Lord. Isn't that the lie that creeps in out of nowhere? I had a dream in the summer of 2013 of our first child and the Lord said, "I will fulfill this in one year." So I did the math and thought I would be pregnant by October. The month passed with no promise of a little one and I was convinced that I couldn't hear the Lord at all.
In early August of 2016, I found myself holding a pregnancy test. I had committed to myself to never take one again after years of tears and disappointing lines on tests. But this time was different. I had been having dreams of our little one for days and Jenna had said something that left me wondering. This time was different. Two lines showed up on that test and I ran out of the bathroom and Isaac and I laughed, hugged, and jumped all at once.
Just as the Lord said, He fulfilled the dream and His promise one year later. His people know His voice and when we need more of it (or to learn it), we can dive into scripture. He has been speaking to His creation from the beginning. He hasn't left us or withheld His voice. Friend, I was asking Him if He really wants to speak to His people and this is what He said: "Jordan, I died for them. I want to speak to them." Don't believe the lie that He doesn't speak. He wants to speak to you. Yes, you.
Related: For the ones who long to be Mommas
I look at my little one and I see the impossible! I couldn't have children, but God makes straight paths and smooth waters. I praise the Lord for this sweet boy and each day we wait for Daddy by the window together.