I write this in the middle of the quiet. In the stillness where my mind can just rest and remember. That I am loved and I am forgiven and my King will not abandon me. The Lord has brought something to light in the past couple of days because somewhere my heart strayed and I started this miserable habit of complaining. I want to be thankful but I don't think thankfulness is coming from an overflow of my heart, which is what I desire. I think this thankfulness is a discipline and while it is good to be disciplined, I am ready for thankfulness to be an overflow of what Christ has done for me. He has saved me. SAVED ME. Where there was no hope for me, caught in the middle of darkness, He saved me.
And I think even now I am trying to change my own heart. Which is why I am failing. Because it is only possible for my heart to change with God. So I am holding fast to Romans 12:2 - "...transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
He is the renewer. His grace is enough to love and change this complaining heart of mine.
"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life."