I walked into my dorm room and put the premarital counseling book on my bed. There are so many ways that we could fail, Lord. But before the words aren't even out of my mouth: There are more ways that my name will be Glorified, Jordan. Tears of joy flooded my eyes. Because with Him all things really are possible. I had no idea how hard marriage would be. BUT (and pretend like I am yelling these words at you) I had no idea just how incredible His Glory would shine in our commitment to walk toward Him for the rest of our lives together. He calls us to do the impossible in His name. And I assure you, it is not possible another way. This is a hard post to write. It's good news. It's heart-warming news. It's what we have been waiting for. And as incredible as it is, we are honestly standing in the middle of it all today. We don't have it all figured out and we are being challenged to really rest in Him and delight in Him. After all, the Lord is flipping our world upside down.
Three months ago I laid my head on the arm of our mint-colored corduroy couch. Isaac sat in the chaise to my side and he told me what the Lord had told him that day: God was calling him into full time ministry. Like preaching, serving, going ministry. To say that I was surprised would be a lie. I feel as though the Lord has been preparing our hearts for this call since we were little. Like when we were 14 and God told me that Isaac would be a preacher. So I am not surprised. Instead, I am afraid.
I can't really even articulate what it is that I am afraid of because each fear runs over the next in a slop of lies. I sit here and feel like telling the Lord that there are so many ways we could fail, but I remember that He always provides what is needed and always equips. It's hard to be transparent with you, and this is exactly what God is calling me to do this evening.
So there it is. This is where we are today. I am praying that I will live by Him instead of by my self so that I can push Isaac toward Christ. I am praying that He will be Glorified in all of this, and we know He will. I am praying that our hearts would not grow weary, but instead I pray we would cast it all on Him. He is strong enough to carry this when we are not. And I am praying that our joy would not be hindered as we march onward.